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Radical Acceptance
Radical Acceptance
This quote comes from the Buddhist tradition. It is based on the following idea:
This quote comes from the Buddhist tradition. It is based on the following idea:
Buddhists believe that pain is inevitable because there are so many things out of our control. When we RESIST pain in some way, such as:
Buddhists believe that pain is inevitable because there are so many things out of our control. When we RESIST pain in some way, such as:
- refusing to accept reality
- trying to control things that are out of our control
- avoidance (such as using substances to avoid painful feelings)
we actually AMPLIFY the pain and create SUFFERING for ourselves and others.
we actually AMPLIFY the pain and create SUFFERING for ourselves and others.
According to this theory, we cannot eliminate pain from our lives; BUT if we stop resisting, we won't suffer.
According to this theory, we cannot eliminate pain from our lives; BUT if we stop resisting, we won't suffer.
Another way to think about this is CLEAN PAIN versus DIRTY PAIN.
Another way to think about this is CLEAN PAIN versus DIRTY PAIN.
CLEAN PAIN is pain that naturally comes with hurtful or stressful experiences in life, like illness, death, disappointment, loss, and challenges. Clean pain is out of our control, and is temporary, naturally diminishing over time.
CLEAN PAIN is pain that naturally comes with hurtful or stressful experiences in life, like illness, death, disappointment, loss, and challenges. Clean pain is out of our control, and is temporary, naturally diminishing over time.
DIRTY PAIN is the pain we create for ourselves when we resist or struggle against reality through things like denial, avoidance, or retaliation. Dirty pain is in our control because we create it, and can last a long time if we continue to resist or struggle.
DIRTY PAIN is the pain we create for ourselves when we resist or struggle against reality through things like denial, avoidance, or retaliation. Dirty pain is in our control because we create it, and can last a long time if we continue to resist or struggle.
Look through the slides below to see examples of how this might play out in a person's life.
Look through the slides below to see examples of how this might play out in a person's life.
Click on the image below to scroll through all of the examples.
Click on the image below to scroll through all of the examples.
Copy of Clean Pain Resistance Dirty Pain Power Point Examples Male Edit.pptxIt makes sense that we would want to resist any type of pain or discomfort. But just like we learned in the lesson on Problematic Avoidance, we may actually be creating more problems for ourselves through resisting.
It makes sense that we would want to resist any type of pain or discomfort. But just like we learned in the lesson on Problematic Avoidance, we may actually be creating more problems for ourselves through resisting.
You may be saying to yourself,
You may be saying to yourself,
"How can I tell if I am resisting?"
"How can I tell if I am resisting?"
One sign that we are resisting is when we find ourselves saying “should statements.” They may sound like the following:
One sign that we are resisting is when we find ourselves saying “should statements.” They may sound like the following:
- “It shouldn’t be this way.”
- “He shouldn’t have done that.”
- “Life shouldn’t be this hard.”
So, what do we do about it?
So, what do we do about it?
That's where today's skill comes in:
That's where today's skill comes in:
RADICAL ACCEPTANCE.
RADICAL ACCEPTANCE.
Radical acceptance means that we choose to acknowledge reality as it is right now, without judgment. It is choosing to let go of trying to control things that we don't have control over.
Radical acceptance means that we choose to acknowledge reality as it is right now, without judgment. It is choosing to let go of trying to control things that we don't have control over.
To clarify....
To clarify....
Radical Acceptance is NOT the same as
Radical Acceptance is NOT the same as
- approval
- agreement
- "getting over it"
- making excuses
- forgiveness
- surrender
- giving up
- being passive
Just because you choose to accept a situation as it is doesn't mean that you like it, want it, or approve of it.
Just because you choose to accept a situation as it is doesn't mean that you like it, want it, or approve of it.
Acceptance also doesn’t mean that you don’t change things. In fact, we can’t truly change the future without accepting the past and the present. When we accept the past and the present, we can focus our attention on what is important to us and use our energy to change the future. Acceptance leads to problem solving.
Acceptance also doesn’t mean that you don’t change things. In fact, we can’t truly change the future without accepting the past and the present. When we accept the past and the present, we can focus our attention on what is important to us and use our energy to change the future. Acceptance leads to problem solving.
Acceptance can be really difficult. It is SIMPLE, but it’s NOT EASY. And it takes PRACTICE to experience the FREEDOM that comes with not fighting reality to be able to create change.
Acceptance can be really difficult. It is SIMPLE, but it’s NOT EASY. And it takes PRACTICE to experience the FREEDOM that comes with not fighting reality to be able to create change.
So the next time you are experiencing emotional pain, ask yourself:
So the next time you are experiencing emotional pain, ask yourself:
"Is this CLEAN PAIN or DIRTY PAIN?"
"Is this CLEAN PAIN or DIRTY PAIN?"
If it is clean pain, try to accept it and know that it will not last forever.
If it is clean pain, try to accept it and know that it will not last forever.
If it is dirty pain, figure out what the clean pain underneath it might be that you are resisting, and then try to accept that.
If it is dirty pain, figure out what the clean pain underneath it might be that you are resisting, and then try to accept that.
Radical Acceptance Meditation
Radical Acceptance Meditation
One way to practice Radical Acceptance is through MEDITATION. The following meditation will give you an opportunity to try it on your own.
One way to practice Radical Acceptance is through MEDITATION. The following meditation will give you an opportunity to try it on your own.
Before you begin, find a quiet, comfortable place where you won't be distracted by things around you. When you get there, find a comfortable position, sitting or lying down, and begin the meditation below.
Before you begin, find a quiet, comfortable place where you won't be distracted by things around you. When you get there, find a comfortable position, sitting or lying down, and begin the meditation below.
(You may want to use headphones for a better experience.)
(You may want to use headphones for a better experience.)
The meditation will last approximately 10 minutes.
The meditation will last approximately 10 minutes.
(If the player doesn't appear for you below, click on the black box to open it.)
(If the player doesn't appear for you below, click on the black box to open it.)
Radical Acceptance Meditation CBI.mp3Now is your chance to apply this to your life.
Now is your chance to apply this to your life.
After reading the session above, answer the reflection questions below.
After reading the session above, answer the reflection questions below.
Be sure to complete all sections and click "SUBMIT" at the end. You will get a confirmation message once you have submitted the form.
Be sure to complete all sections and click "SUBMIT" at the end. You will get a confirmation message once you have submitted the form.
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