Women

P1

CBI Session for Tuesday December 9, 2025

Module 10 Session 1

Problematic Avoidance

Adapted from www.getselfhelp.co.uk/face

Our brains are wired to AVOID things that feel bad or uncomfortable. This has worked out pretty well for humans as a species, since we're still alive and running the world. However, as our world has changed, we have begun to avoid ANY type of discomfort, even the discomfort that comes with facing and solving our problems.

Let's look at the difference between what we call HELPFUL AVOIDANCE and PROBLEMATIC AVOIDANCE.

HELPFUL AVOIDANCE is avoiding things that are a legitimate risk to our health and wellbeing. For example, here are some things that are helpful to avoid:

Violence
Getting arrested
Unsafe situations
Exposure to illness (like the Coronavirus)

The flip side of this is PROBLEMATIC AVOIDANCE: ignoring or avoiding facing our problems to avoid uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. Here are some examples:

You avoid doing a hard assignment at school because it stresses you out.
You avoid resolving conflict with someone you love.
You avoid being held accountable for your actions (such as showing up for a court hearing or drug test), leading to bigger consequences (like a warrant or jail time).

Today's session will be focusing on PROBLEMATIC AVOIDANCE - identifying how you may be ignoring problems to avoid discomfort in your life, how that has created more problems for you, and learning how to FACE your problems instead of avoid them.

Check out this quick video for a quick rundown of how avoidance doesn't ALWAYS help us.

Now you might be saying to yourself,

"Wait, wait, wait. Avoidance works! I really do feel better when I avoid things that make me anxious or uncomfortable."

And the truth is, you're right: avoidance does work to make us feel better, but ONLY in the SHORT TERM. In the LONG TERM, it can actually make us feel WORSE.

Let's see how that works.

Avoiding anxiety or discomfort can create a vicious cycle that actually increases our stress in the long term.

You may feel more stressed about a problem the longer you avoid it.
Avoidance doesn’t solve the actual problem creating the stress, so the problem remains.
Not facing a problem may create more problems, like a chain reaction.
Avoidance may cause difficulties in relationships if others become frustrated by your avoidance.

Here are a few examples to demonstrate how this cycle works:

Example 1:

You are stressed about an assignment you have to do for school (ANXIETY/DISCOMFORT), so you procrastinate (AVOID). The longer you put off the assignment (AVOID), the more you stress about it not being done. Eventually, you miss the deadline and fail the assignment , causing you to fail the class (RESTRICTED LIFE). You beat yourself up for failing the class (FEEL WORSE).

Example 2:

Soon after starting a new relationship, you begin to have disagreements with your boyfriend. The conflict makes you UNCOMFORTABLE, so you AVOID talking about the disagreements and they never get resolved. It snowballs and leads to bigger conflict in the relationship. Eventually you break up. This happens multiple times, and eventually you tell yourself that any conflict will end a relationship (RESTRICTED LIFE). You become bitter and lonely (FEEL WORSE).

Example 3:

You get notified about an upcoming probation appointment where you know you will be drug tested. You recently smoked weed, and are ANXIOUS about what your PO will say when you test positive. You decide not to go to the probation appointment (AVOID). When you miss the appointment, your PO puts out a warrant for your arrest. You get arrested by the police while at work. Your boss is embarrassed by this and fires you from your job (RESTRICTED LIFE). You become angry and resentful (FEEL WORSE).

So what can we do to avoid getting stuck in the avoidance cycle? Here are a few tips:

Recognize when you are avoiding discomfort.
Use stress reduction techniques to manage stress (deep breathing, exercise, etc).
Learn to cope with uncomfortable emotions. If you get use to discomfort, you will be more able to face problems in the future.
Using active coping skills, such as changing your thoughts and problem solving.
Take small steps in situations that feel overwhelming.
Ask someone you trust to hold you accountable for following through with tasks.
Practice good communication skills in your relationships and resolve conflicts when they arise

This tool below can help you to figure out what kinds of situations you may need to FACE rather than AVOID, and come up with a step-by-step plan of action.

face worksheet.pdf

Now that you've reviewed the lesson on PROBLEMATIC AVOIDANCE, take a few minutes to reflect on your own experience and answer the following questions.

Be sure to read the all the directions carefully before answering the questions!

Don't forget to complete all sections and click submit at the bottom to get credit for this Virtual CBI session!

(Technical Tip: If you get a white screen after you click "next" or "submit", SCROLL UP. The next page is further up on the screen.)

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Women

P1

CBI Session for Tuesday December 9, 2025

Module 10 Session 1

Problematic Avoidance

Let's look at the difference between what we call HELPFUL AVOIDANCE and PROBLEMATIC AVOIDANCE.

HELPFUL AVOIDANCE is avoiding things that are a legitimate risk to our health and wellbeing. For example, here are some things that are helpful to avoid:

The flip side of this is PROBLEMATIC AVOIDANCE: ignoring or avoiding facing our problems to avoid uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. Here are some examples:

Today's session will be focusing on PROBLEMATIC AVOIDANCE - identifying how you may be ignoring problems to avoid discomfort in your life, how that has created more problems for you, and learning how to FACE your problems instead of avoid them.

Check out this quick video for a quick rundown of how avoidance doesn't ALWAYS help us.

Now you might be saying to yourself,

"Wait, wait, wait. Avoidance works! I really do feel better when I avoid things that make me anxious or uncomfortable."

And the truth is, you're right: avoidance does work to make us feel better, but ONLY in the SHORT TERM. In the LONG TERM, it can actually make us feel WORSE.

Let's see how that works.

Avoiding anxiety or discomfort can create a vicious cycle that actually increases our stress in the long term.

You may feel more stressed about a problem the longer you avoid it.

Avoidance doesn’t solve the actual problem creating the stress, so the problem remains.

Not facing a problem may create more problems, like a chain reaction.

Avoidance may cause difficulties in relationships if others become frustrated by your avoidance.

Here are a few examples to demonstrate how this cycle works:

Example 1:

Example 2:

Example 3:

So what can we do to avoid getting stuck in the avoidance cycle? Here are a few tips:

Recognize when you are avoiding discomfort.

Use stress reduction techniques to manage stress (deep breathing, exercise, etc).

Learn to cope with uncomfortable emotions. If you get use to discomfort, you will be more able to face problems in the future.

Using active coping skills, such as changing your thoughts and problem solving.

Take small steps in situations that feel overwhelming.

Ask someone you trust to hold you accountable for following through with tasks.

Practice good communication skills in your relationships and resolve conflicts when they arise

This tool below can help you to figure out what kinds of situations you may need to FACE rather than AVOID, and come up with a step-by-step plan of action.

Now that you've reviewed the lesson on PROBLEMATIC AVOIDANCE, take a few minutes to reflect on your own experience and answer the following questions.

Be sure to read the all the directions carefully before answering the questions!

Don't forget to complete all sections and click submit at the bottom to get credit for this Virtual CBI session!