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CBI Session for Wednesday January 19th, 2022
CBI Session for Wednesday January 19th, 2022
Module 13 Session 2
Module 13 Session 2
Resolving Conflict (continued)
Resolving Conflict (continued)
This week we are exploring the topic of CONFLICT.
This week we are exploring the topic of CONFLICT.
Tuesday, we learned that:
Tuesday, we learned that:
- Conflict is when two or more people want something different.
- To effectively resolve conflict, you have to be able to manage your emotions.
- There are 5 main styles that people use to deal with conflict. Each style has different pros and cons, and each can be effective in different situations.
Today, we are going to look at two more important aspects of resolving conflict:
Today, we are going to look at two more important aspects of resolving conflict:
- The importance having EMPATHY and seeing things from another person's perspective
- Identifying and using your GOALS to decide how to resolve a conflict
The view from the other side...
The view from the other side...
It can be hard to see things from another person's perspective, ESPECIALLY when we are upset. However, in order to take a problem-solving approach to resolving conflict, it is necessary to view the situation from all sides. As you know, there are always multiple ways to view a situation.
It can be hard to see things from another person's perspective, ESPECIALLY when we are upset. However, in order to take a problem-solving approach to resolving conflict, it is necessary to view the situation from all sides. As you know, there are always multiple ways to view a situation.
Here's an example:
Here's an example:
What do you see in this picture?
What do you see in this picture?
A rabbit? A duck? Both?
A rabbit? A duck? Both?
It all depends on how you look at it.
It all depends on how you look at it.
The same could be said for disagreements that we have when we are in conflict with other people. If we can push ourselves to see things from another person's perspective, it will be easier to understand why other people do the things they do, which can help us to reach common ground.
The same could be said for disagreements that we have when we are in conflict with other people. If we can push ourselves to see things from another person's perspective, it will be easier to understand why other people do the things they do, which can help us to reach common ground.
When we put ourselves in another person's shoes and try to see the world from their perspective, it can be helpful to focus on certain things:
When we put ourselves in another person's shoes and try to see the world from their perspective, it can be helpful to focus on certain things:
- What did they see as the main problem or issue leading to the conflict?
- How do/did they feel about the situation?
- What are some possible explanations for why they acted the way they did?
- What is most important to them in this situation?
- How would they like to resolve the conflict?
You don't necessarily have to AGREE with how they see things. You just have to make an effort to understand their perspective.
You don't necessarily have to AGREE with how they see things. You just have to make an effort to understand their perspective.
This is called having EMPATHY.
This is called having EMPATHY.
Okay. Where are we at?
Okay. Where are we at?
- You've got your emotions under control. (Check!)
- You are aware of the different conflict management styles, and what your typical style is. (Check, Check!)
- You have made an effort to understand the perspective of the other person in the conflict. (Check, Check, Check!)
So now what do you do?
So now what do you do?
This is the point where you have to consider your GOALS and what is important to you, and let those things guide your actions.
This is the point where you have to consider your GOALS and what is important to you, and let those things guide your actions.
Which goals, you might ask? There are three big ones to consider.
Which goals, you might ask? There are three big ones to consider.
The 3 Big Questions for approaching conflict
The 3 Big Questions for approaching conflict
What is my goal for this SITUATION?
What is my goal for this SITUATION?
What do you want to happen to resolve the conflict? How important is it to you that you obtain this goal and get what you want?
What do you want to happen to resolve the conflict? How important is it to you that you obtain this goal and get what you want?
What is my goal for the RELATIONSHIP?
What is my goal for the RELATIONSHIP?
What do you want your relationship to be like with this person? Is it important to keep this relationship, or this conflict with a stranger who you may never see again?
What do you want your relationship to be like with this person? Is it important to keep this relationship, or this conflict with a stranger who you may never see again?
How do I want to FEEL ABOUT MYSELF in this situation?
How do I want to FEEL ABOUT MYSELF in this situation?
When you look back on this situation after it is resolved, how d you want to view yourself? How can you solve this problem and still have self-respect?
When you look back on this situation after it is resolved, how d you want to view yourself? How can you solve this problem and still have self-respect?
After you've answered the Big 3 Questions, it is important to PRIORITIZE the goals you have identified. We can't always get everything we want, so sometimes we have to figure out what is most important to us in a situation, and let that direct your next step.
After you've answered the Big 3 Questions, it is important to PRIORITIZE the goals you have identified. We can't always get everything we want, so sometimes we have to figure out what is most important to us in a situation, and let that direct your next step.
- If getting what you want out of the situation is the most important thing to you, you might be more assertive or forceful in your approach (like the shark).
- If keeping the relationship with the person you are in conflict with is the most important thing to you, you may be more willing to compromise (like the fox), give in to what the other person wants (like the teddy bear), or take the time to collaborate and find a solution that everyone is happy with (like the owl).
- If feeling good about yourself is the most important thing to you, you will likely choose your actions carefully to line up with your values, and be less focused on the outcome or the relationship. This might look like accommodating the other person's wishes (like the teddy bear) so that you don't blow up in an argument, or taking the time to find a solution everyone is agreeable to (like the owl) so that everyone feels heard, understood, and respected.
Consider the following scenarios, each of which involves a conflict. In each scenario, ask yourself the big 3 questions to figure out how you would approach the situation. Which is most important to you?
Consider the following scenarios, each of which involves a conflict. In each scenario, ask yourself the big 3 questions to figure out how you would approach the situation. Which is most important to you?
- Your landlord keeps your security deposit after you move out of your apartment, even though the apartment was not damaged or dirty.
- You have just gotten home from a long, tiring day of work and are exhausted. Your best friend wants you to go out to celebrate her birthday, but all you want to do is go to bed.
- You are trying to get promoted at work by making a good impression on your boss. Your boss asks you to do extra work, but doesn't pay you overtime.
- Your friend asks you to slide on the opps after they post something insulting about your crew on social media. You are trying to stay out of violence and out of jail.
In each scenario, you will likely prioritize something different, and that is OKAY. The most important thing is taking the time to think through what is important to you.
In each scenario, you will likely prioritize something different, and that is OKAY. The most important thing is taking the time to think through what is important to you.
Good news: you made it to the point where you get to reflect on how this applies to YOUR life!
Good news: you made it to the point where you get to reflect on how this applies to YOUR life!
Be sure to read the all the directions carefully before answering the questions!
Be sure to read the all the directions carefully before answering the questions!
Be sure to complete all sections and click submit at the bottom to get credit for this Virtual CBI session!
Be sure to complete all sections and click submit at the bottom to get credit for this Virtual CBI session!
(Technical Tip: If you get a white screen after you click "next" or "submit", SCROLL UP. The next page is further up on the screen.)
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