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CBI Session for Thursday September 23, 2021
CBI Session for Thursday September 23, 2021
CBI Review Part II
CBI Review Part II
Congratulations - you have completed all 13 CBI modules! You now have AT LEAST 13 tools in your tool belt to help you change your thoughts and feelings to change your life.
Congratulations - you have completed all 13 CBI modules! You now have AT LEAST 13 tools in your tool belt to help you change your thoughts and feelings to change your life.
The first half of CBI focused on understanding the basics of the Cognitive Diamond and how to be more in control of our thoughts, feelings, and actions. A few weeks ago you reviewed the first 7 modules of CBI - click here if you want a refresher on those.
The first half of CBI focused on understanding the basics of the Cognitive Diamond and how to be more in control of our thoughts, feelings, and actions. A few weeks ago you reviewed the first 7 modules of CBI - click here if you want a refresher on those.
The second half of CBI took things to a new level, looking at HOW we use our awareness of our thoughts, feelings, and actions to change our lives in tough situations. Today's Virtual CBI session will review the last 6 CBI modules.
The second half of CBI took things to a new level, looking at HOW we use our awareness of our thoughts, feelings, and actions to change our lives in tough situations. Today's Virtual CBI session will review the last 6 CBI modules.
Module 7 started with examining what is IMPORTANT to us, also known as VALUES.
Module 7 started with examining what is IMPORTANT to us, also known as VALUES.
Core Values
Core Values
“VALUES” are things that are important to us. "CORE VALUES" are ways of being that guide our actions and decision. Everyone has different values, and for each of us they can change over time, based on our experiences. Core values are like a compass, pointing us in the direction we want to go and guiding our every move.
Once we have identified our values and what is important to us, then we have to take stock of our lives and see if we are truly living IN LINE WITH OUR VALUES. If our actions are are COMPROMISING or CONFLICTING with our values, then we may need to make CHANGES.
Once we have identified our values and what is important to us, then we have to take stock of our lives and see if we are truly living IN LINE WITH OUR VALUES. If our actions are are COMPROMISING or CONFLICTING with our values, then we may need to make CHANGES.
Next, we looked at the process for MAKING GOOD DECISIONS, with a focus on high stakes decisions - the kind that have long term consequences in our lives.
Next, we looked at the process for MAKING GOOD DECISIONS, with a focus on high stakes decisions - the kind that have long term consequences in our lives.
We talked about the importance of TAKING THE TIME to consider different options, pros and cons of each option, and possible consequences when making big, high stakes decisions. This tool can help you to consider the many different factors involved to make the best decision possible with the information you have.
We talked about the importance of TAKING THE TIME to consider different options, pros and cons of each option, and possible consequences when making big, high stakes decisions. This tool can help you to consider the many different factors involved to make the best decision possible with the information you have.
5 Steps to Making Good Decisions - PDF.pdfThen we explored the concept of PROBLEMATIC AVOIDANCE and how avoiding our problems can actually increase our stress and make our problems worse.
Then we explored the concept of PROBLEMATIC AVOIDANCE and how avoiding our problems can actually increase our stress and make our problems worse.
PROBLEMATIC AVOIDANCE: ignoring or avoiding facing our problems to avoid uncomfortable thoughts and feelings.
PROBLEMATIC AVOIDANCE: ignoring or avoiding facing our problems to avoid uncomfortable thoughts and feelings.
Here are some examples:
Here are some examples:
You avoid doing a hard assignment at school because it stresses you out.
You avoid resolving conflict with someone you love.
You avoid being held accountable for your actions (such as showing up for a court hearing or drug test), leading to bigger consequences (like a warrant or jail time).
Avoiding anxiety or discomfort can create a vicious cycle that actually increases our stress in the long term.
Avoiding anxiety or discomfort can create a vicious cycle that actually increases our stress in the long term.
You may feel more stressed about a problem the longer you avoid it.
Avoidance doesn’t solve the actual problem creating the stress, so the problem remains.
Not facing a problem may create more problems, like a chain reaction.
Avoidance may cause difficulties in relationships if others become frustrated by your avoidance.
We practiced using this tool to figure out what kinds of situations to FACE rather than AVOID, and come up with a step-by-step plan of action.
We practiced using this tool to figure out what kinds of situations to FACE rather than AVOID, and come up with a step-by-step plan of action.
face worksheet.pdfWe learned about "clean pain" and "dirty pain", and how choosing to RADICALLY ACCEPT things that are out of our control can reduce our suffering and free up energy to make important changes.
We learned about "clean pain" and "dirty pain", and how choosing to RADICALLY ACCEPT things that are out of our control can reduce our suffering and free up energy to make important changes.
CLEAN PAIN is pain that naturally comes with hurtful or stressful experiences in life, like illness, death, disappointment, loss, and challenges. Clean pain is out of our control, and is temporary, naturally diminishing over time time.
CLEAN PAIN is pain that naturally comes with hurtful or stressful experiences in life, like illness, death, disappointment, loss, and challenges. Clean pain is out of our control, and is temporary, naturally diminishing over time time.
DIRTY PAIN is the pain we create for ourselves when we resist or struggle against reality through things like denial, avoidance, or retaliation. Dirty pain is in our control because we create it, and can last a long time if we continue to resist or struggle.
DIRTY PAIN is the pain we create for ourselves when we resist or struggle against reality through things like denial, avoidance, or retaliation. Dirty pain is in our control because we create it, and can last a long time if we continue to resist or struggle.
Radical acceptance means that we choose to acknowledge reality as it is right now, without judgment. It is choosing to let go of trying to control things that we don't have control over.
Radical acceptance means that we choose to acknowledge reality as it is right now, without judgment. It is choosing to let go of trying to control things that we don't have control over.
Radical Acceptance is NOT the same as
Radical Acceptance is NOT the same as
- approval
- agreement
- "getting over it"
- making excuses
- forgiveness
- surrender
- giving up
- being passive
Just because you choose to accept a situation as it is doesn't mean that you like it, want it, or approve of it.
Just because you choose to accept a situation as it is doesn't mean that you like it, want it, or approve of it.
Acceptance also doesn’t mean that you don’t change things. In fact, we can’t truly change the future without accepting the past and the present. When we accept the past and the present, we can focus our attention on what is important to us and use our energy to change the future. Acceptance leads to problem solving.
Acceptance also doesn’t mean that you don’t change things. In fact, we can’t truly change the future without accepting the past and the present. When we accept the past and the present, we can focus our attention on what is important to us and use our energy to change the future. Acceptance leads to problem solving.
We also discussed the importance of TOLERATING DISTRESS: how to SURVIVE a situation without making it WORSE.
We also discussed the importance of TOLERATING DISTRESS: how to SURVIVE a situation without making it WORSE.
We all go through crises in our lives. When we find ourselves in a painful or problem situation that we CAN'T FIX right away, the most important thing to do is to survive the situation without making it worse.
We all go through crises in our lives. When we find ourselves in a painful or problem situation that we CAN'T FIX right away, the most important thing to do is to survive the situation without making it worse.
This is what we call Distress Tolerance.
This is what we call Distress Tolerance.
What are some ways that we can make a crisis situation worse? Here are a few....
What are some ways that we can make a crisis situation worse? Here are a few....
- Yell at others
- Become violent
- Use drugs or alcohol in a dangerous way
- Spend money that you don't have on "retail therapy"
- Complain so much that others don't want to talk to you
- Eat too much
- Give up on solving the problem entirely
Distress tolerance is an important LIFE SKILL, and can also be used for NON-CRISIS situations that involve some kind of pain or difficulty, like painful emotions or discomfort (such as the kind that make you want to AVOID).
Distress tolerance is an important LIFE SKILL, and can also be used for NON-CRISIS situations that involve some kind of pain or difficulty, like painful emotions or discomfort (such as the kind that make you want to AVOID).
This skill is especially important when you want to make changes in your life or accomplish a goal. Most things in life that are WORTH HAVING require some kind of effort and struggle. You can use distress tolerance skills to get through short term discomfort to help you be more SUCCESSFUL in reaching your GOALS.
This skill is especially important when you want to make changes in your life or accomplish a goal. Most things in life that are WORTH HAVING require some kind of effort and struggle. You can use distress tolerance skills to get through short term discomfort to help you be more SUCCESSFUL in reaching your GOALS.
How do we know if a goal is WORTH tolerating the distress? We have to consider:
How do we know if a goal is WORTH tolerating the distress? We have to consider:
- How important is the goal to you?
- How much distress are you in?
- How might you make the situation worse if you don't tolerate the distress?
- What coping skills can you use to tolerate the distress?
- What are the pros and cons of tolerating the distress or not?
And last, but not least, we looked at Conflict, different CONFLICT RESOLUTION styles, and some important factors to consider when deciding HOW to approach a conflict.
And last, but not least, we looked at Conflict, different CONFLICT RESOLUTION styles, and some important factors to consider when deciding HOW to approach a conflict.
Conflict is when two or more people want different things.
Conflict is when two or more people want different things.
Staying calm in the middle of a disagreement, argument, or an all-out brawl is REALLY HARD.
Staying calm in the middle of a disagreement, argument, or an all-out brawl is REALLY HARD.
As our emotions become more intense, we lose the ability to think straight and STAY IN CONTROL of our actions (like we learned about in the CBI session on Getting to Green).
As our emotions become more intense, we lose the ability to think straight and STAY IN CONTROL of our actions (like we learned about in the CBI session on Getting to Green).
However, being able to stay calm in the midst of conflict increases the likelihood of resolving the conflict. We can use CBI skills to stay calm in the middle of conflict.
However, being able to stay calm in the midst of conflict increases the likelihood of resolving the conflict. We can use CBI skills to stay calm in the middle of conflict.
There are five main styles that people have when it comes to handling conflict. Each style is represented below by an animal. None of them are "right" or "wrong" - each of them may work more or less effectively in different situations. The key to learning how to resolve conflict effectively is to know WHEN to use WHICH approach.
There are five main styles that people have when it comes to handling conflict. Each style is represented below by an animal. None of them are "right" or "wrong" - each of them may work more or less effectively in different situations. The key to learning how to resolve conflict effectively is to know WHEN to use WHICH approach.
It can be HARD to see things from another person's perspective, ESPECIALLY when we are upset. However, in order to take a problem-solving approach to resolving conflict, it is necessary to view the situation from all sides. As you know, there are always multiple ways to view a situation. You don't have to AGREE with how another person sees things; you just have to make an effort to understand their perspective. This is called having EMPATHY.
It can be HARD to see things from another person's perspective, ESPECIALLY when we are upset. However, in order to take a problem-solving approach to resolving conflict, it is necessary to view the situation from all sides. As you know, there are always multiple ways to view a situation. You don't have to AGREE with how another person sees things; you just have to make an effort to understand their perspective. This is called having EMPATHY.
Once you have your emotions under control, you are aware of your conflict style, and you have made an effort to understand the perspective of the person you are having conflict with, you want to ask yourself the 3 BIG QUESTIONS to determine your goals.
Once you have your emotions under control, you are aware of your conflict style, and you have made an effort to understand the perspective of the person you are having conflict with, you want to ask yourself the 3 BIG QUESTIONS to determine your goals.
What is my goal for this SITUATION?
What is my goal for this SITUATION?
What do you want to happen to resolve the conflict? How important is it to you that you obtain this goal and get what you want?
What do you want to happen to resolve the conflict? How important is it to you that you obtain this goal and get what you want?
What is my goal for this RELATIONSHIP?
What is my goal for this RELATIONSHIP?
What do you want your relationship to be like with this person? Is it important to keep this relationship, or this conflict with a stranger who you may never see again?
What do you want your relationship to be like with this person? Is it important to keep this relationship, or this conflict with a stranger who you may never see again?
How do I want to FEEL ABOUT MYSELF in this situation?
How do I want to FEEL ABOUT MYSELF in this situation?
When you look back on this situation after it is resolved, how d you want to view yourself? How can you solve this problem and still have self-respect?
When you look back on this situation after it is resolved, how d you want to view yourself? How can you solve this problem and still have self-respect?
Knowing which goal is MOST important to you in the situation will help to you figure out how to approach and resolve the conflict.
Knowing which goal is MOST important to you in the situation will help to you figure out how to approach and resolve the conflict.
Congratulations - now you know everything you need to know about changing your thoughts and behavior to change your life!
Congratulations - now you know everything you need to know about changing your thoughts and behavior to change your life!
Just kidding. Like any skill, all of the skills you have learned over the past six months take lots of PRACTICE. Hopefully you have been practicing at home, and will continue to practice. The more you practice, the more you will learn, and the better you will get.
Just kidding. Like any skill, all of the skills you have learned over the past six months take lots of PRACTICE. Hopefully you have been practicing at home, and will continue to practice. The more you practice, the more you will learn, and the better you will get.
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