Roseland

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P2

CBI Session for the week of January 31st, 2022

Module 11 Session 1

Radical Acceptance

This quote comes from the Buddhist tradition. It is based on the following idea:

Buddhists believe that pain is inevitable because there are so many things out of our control. When we RESIST pain in some way, such as:

refusing to accept reality
trying to control things that are out of our control
avoidance (such as using substances to avoid painful feelings)

we actually AMPLIFY the pain and create SUFFERING for ourselves and others.

According to this theory, we cannot eliminate pain from our lives; BUT if we stop resisting, we won't suffer.

Another way to think about this is CLEAN PAIN versus DIRTY PAIN.

CLEAN PAIN is pain that naturally comes with hurtful or stressful experiences in life, like illness, death, disappointment, loss, and challenges. Clean pain is out of our control, and is temporary, naturally diminishing over time time.

DIRTY PAIN is the pain we create for ourselves when we resist or struggle against reality through things like denial, avoidance, or retaliation. Dirty pain is in our control because we create it, and can last a long time if we continue to resist or struggle.

Look through the slides below to see examples of how this might play out in a person's life.

Click on the image below to scroll through all of the examples.

Copy of Clean Pain Resistance Dirty Pain Power Point Examples Male Edit.pptx

It makes sense that we would want to resist any type of pain or discomfort. But just like we learned in the lesson on Problematic Avoidance, we may actually be creating more problems for ourselves through resisting.

You may be saying to yourself,

"How can I tell if I am resisting?"

One sign that we are resisting is when we find ourselves saying “should statements.” They may sound like the following:

“It shouldn’t be this way.”
“He shouldn’t have done that.”
“Life shouldn’t be this hard.”

So, what do we do about it?

That's where today's skill comes in:

RADICAL ACCEPTANCE.

Radical acceptance means that we choose to acknowledge reality as it is right now, without judgment. It is choosing to let go of trying to control things that we don't have control over.

To clarify....

Radical Acceptance is NOT the same as

approval
agreement
"getting over it"
making excuses
forgiveness
surrender
giving up
being passive

Just because you choose to accept a situation as it is doesn't mean that you like it, want it, or approve of it.

Acceptance also doesn’t mean that you don’t change things. In fact, we can’t truly change the future without accepting the past and the present. When we accept the past and the present, we can focus our attention on what is important to us and use our energy to change the future. Acceptance leads to problem solving.

Acceptance can be really difficult. It is SIMPLE, but it’s NOT EASY. And it takes PRACTICE to experience the FREEDOM that comes with not fighting reality to be able to create change.

So the next time you are experiencing emotional pain, ask yourself:

"Is this CLEAN PAIN or DIRTY PAIN?"

If it is clean pain, try to accept it and know that it will not last forever.

If it is dirty pain, figure out what the clean pain underneath it might be that you are resisting, and then try to accept that.

Good news: Below is a chance to practice this new skill!

Be sure to read the all the directions carefully before answering the questions!

Be sure to complete all sections and click submit at the bottom to get credit for this Virtual CBI session!

(Technical Tip: If you get a white screen after you click "next" or "submit", SCROLL UP. The next page is further up on the screen.)

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